Resenting Breastfeeding

by TheMothering

There I said it.

This will be an unpopular opinion and it is something I’ve only really shared with one person for fear of being chased with breast pumps and pitchforks.

I really resent breastfeeding most of the time.

I have been breastfeeding now for 10 months. My original plan was to try it for a week. Then a month and so on and so forth until before I knew it, it was all I knew.

Frankie loves it. He’s been teething. In pain. Waking frequently. It calms him instantly. We have moments of real tenderness. When he is sleepy in my arms. Or his little hands come up and cup my cheek. When he was sick in hospital I knew this was the only thing I could do for him. But also it was the very best nourishment he could get in the world. So that was cool.

But the shitty parts are pretty shitty. Not even counting the weeks of agony at the start. The Mastitis. The cracked nipples. The swollen, leaking, lopsided stranger boobs.

I’ve had a milk blister on Frankie’s favorite boob for a month now that seems to be here to stay. Ouch.

Mental health professionals have ALL told me that there are risks with any medications I take (I’m pretty sure this is wrong also). Guilt.

I’ve had surgery and was not prescribed painkillers afterwards and was incorrectly told to pump and dump after it. Bah.

When seeking weaning advice I am met with- “Why wean? Just feed him till he wants to stop!” ARE YOU JOKING???

I’m weaning him slowly. Its not his fault, it was my choice to do it. I have to live with it. Sometimes though I wonder what in the name of god I was thinking.

Yeah, yeah I know its best for the baby. I get it.

I’m weaning him slowly. My goal is to be finished in a months time. If not completely by then a year old is the deadline.

Henri Matisse